Haven't Really Gotten Anywhere...

As the title of this entry states, I haven't really gotten anywhere with getting back into horses.  Very discouraged at the moment, and I'm unsure of what to do. 

Centerville Equestrian Center

I might have mentioned Centerville Equestrian Center before, it is a fairly new place to my understanding (as it was in the newspaper when it opened just a few months ago).  I had emailed them previously asking about lessons, but since I started back up with Amber, I never followed through on meeting them or anything.  But since Amber most likely will never give me lessons again, if I want lessons, I will have to find somewhere new.

They charge $40 per hour for a private lesson.  That's $10 cheaper than Amber, but still expensive.  I'm hoping it's worth it, as the $50 per hour with Amber was definitely worth it since she was so knowledgeable.  I don't know the instructor, and even though it says on their website that she is good (obviously, what else would they say?) I don't know that.  A friend of mine suggested that I sit in on a lesson and meet the instructor before signing up for any lessons.  I think that is a fabulous idea.  I've just emailed them asking if I could do just that, and so I'm waiting to hear back. 

I really don't want to have to give up on horses altogether.  It's so good for me - I was feeling SO much better when I was finally riding again.  It gave me more purpose, made me feel like I was being productive, gave me exercise, I socialized with more people.  It simply got me out of the house.  And after all that's happened recently, I could really use the positive-ness that horses bring.

Sorry about being so down lately.  I'm just really not feeling good about life right now.  Hopefully things will start looking up again for me soon.

It's not over.

Where have I been, you ask?

Having a terrible, terrible time at life.

Everything has just been seeming to go absolutely wrong.  I won't get into too much detail with things not horse-related; it will stress me out, and you probably don't want to hear about it anyway.  So, with the horses... everything was going fantastic!  I began the lease, I was cleaning out Jade's stall every day and riding and petting her and spending time with her.  It was absolutely fantastic and I couldn't have felt better about it all.  I was so in love with her!

And then I was let go of my job literally smack dab in the middle of the week.  Like, really?  Come on, that's not in any way fair or right!  Especially since I didn't do anything wrong.  They didn't even give me a reason.  And, they owed me $150 at least.  They said they'd mail it.  Never got it.

So basically, I decided I was done with horses.  I felt like I tried so damn hard at this, and things were finally going in a great direction.  I was feeling so good and proud about EVERYTHING, I was feeling healthy and happy and productive.  For once, the horse thing was working out.  I was so dedicated.  And then this happens, and I have no way of affording the board!  The board is expensive!  I couldn't count on my parents to pay that. 

So, I was forced to text Amber that I couldn't do it anymore.  I hadn't signed any lease papers yet, but apparently we had a "verbal agreement" and she was originally going to force me to pay for the first month's board anyway, even though I told her I have literally no money.  She was pissed, but so was I.  I tried to explain to her that, I tried my hardest, and what happened is not fair but not anybody's fault.  But that wasn't good enough.  It's all my fault apparently. 

I let down so many people, and now that barn is mad at me, and I have this feeling I can never really go back to Conference for anything.  I doubt Amber will ever give me lessons again, I doubt Wendy will let me board there.

Devastation.  That's what I felt.

I gave up pretty much.  Other things were happening in my life, including a break up.  (It's very, very complicated and I refuse to explain much about it here.  It might not be permanent; in fact, it probably won't be.  But Eddy is very, very ill, and needs to focus on his own health.)  I had no job, wasn't doing any school.  Was just sitting at home doing nothing all day, heartbroken, wishing I could ride horses, wishing I had something to do.  I cried a lot.

Fortunately, things are starting to look better for me.  I just got a job at Cold Stone Creamery and have already worked two days.  In addition, I may be applying at Kroger where I believe I have a high possibility of getting a job at.  (The only reason I would apply to Kroger is because Cold Stone is not super busy in the colder seasons and I would like more than 20 or 25 hours a week, which is all they can really give me at this point.)

I'm feeling better, still having a lot of down moments but I know things can only improve.  I literally had felt like things could absolutely not get any worse.  And now I'm finally getting out of the house, making money, and looking towards a brighter future.

That brings me to more horse related stuff.  Now that I'm making money again, there is a possibility I can get back into horses.  I probably can't have anything to do with Conference or Possum Creek, but those aren't the only stables around here.  Right now, I'm searching on Craigslist and the internet for other stables that might have lease, or lessons, or volunteer opportunities for me.  So at this point I don't know how, but I really want back into horses.

Will let you know what opportunities I find.